Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
