Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize