Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
