so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
