I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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