Im at strip club and am horny
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Randomize
