Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
