dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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