my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
