I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
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he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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