I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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