He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Found your dick twin last night
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
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