he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
