This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
