the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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