dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
