every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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