I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
