Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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