Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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