I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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