Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
