im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
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It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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