Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
