so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
