i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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