I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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