At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Randomize