one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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