Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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