You're my little dorito
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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