Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
