I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
