this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
