saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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