WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
