you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
