We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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