your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
