just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
