oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!