He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
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When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
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I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.