sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen