So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.