I think im going to throw up on grandma
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction