She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.