I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.