can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
