I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
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The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
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Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
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