woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
