Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
