he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
