dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
