I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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