matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
