New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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