I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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