Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
