If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
