you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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