That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
