i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
no you cant smoke seaweed
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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