So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
