I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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