i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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